I’ll ask the local college to help

November 16, 2014

I’m seriously ill and I can’t work on this book by myself, I’m not going to get published by myself I need help I need to support system. I know in my heart that my life story can be turned into a movie. I need to contact the true crime channel Investigation Discovery again and reiterate my story to them because there were a lot of violent crimes. I’m so proud of how far I’ve come and everything that I’ve accomplished, a friend in Maryland was kind enough to buy me a beautiful Honda without a car in this town life is very hard but the buses or violent like they are in Baltimore that was supposed to say the buses are not violent and there’s no black on white racism on the bus here in mountain town.

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I’m back after all these years

November 16, 2014

I just found my password! Allowing me to get back in. starting in June 2005 I was in a great deal of danger on a daily basis that continued until April 2013! More than one person began stalking me in June 10th 2005. I incurred nearly daily home invasions, looting, vandalism, death threats. The violence ratcht up to a very high notch in February 2010. Thank goodness I’ve been able to write about it all in journals believe you me this is going to be one hell of a book/movie but I’m going to need help to make it happen. I knew that if I didn’t leave Maryland that I would be murdered so on April 27 2011 I abandoned my subsidized apartment got on a plane with a backpack PS abandon my automobile in a parking lot in Maryland, I was forced to get on a plane and fly more than 2,000 miles I checked into a women’s shelter and hope for the best. Its been horrible really horrible I encouraged more break ins and odd vandalism odd things happen things were left in my home there was such a strong parallel to what happened in Maryland that I couldn’t help but wonder whether or not my stalker found me out here as well.

For the last 18 months I’ve had my own place two thirds of my rent is paid by an agency so my apartment is subsidized. I’ve been broken into two or three times no sign of forced entry. At least one journal and some photos were taken. I’ve had a car for 4 months and somebody is vandalizing it by throwing rocks at the at the windshield. But it doesn’t appear that I’m being stalked in the same way that I was in Maryland.

Since I’ve been living out here I’ve made five suicide attempts. But here I am I just won’t die. The doctor looked at the results of the breast ultrasound after the mammogram and he’s very concerned about both breasts I may have cancer I don’t know yet. I still have a burning need to publish and have a documentary or a movie made of my life I’ll have to turn to the local

continues to be deplorable

November 18, 2010

i have to open the windows wide to try to get the toxic smells out. but within moments of my dong that the lawn mowers and leaf blwers come, that’s deafening. the fumes from that come in and i am forced to shut the windows. after dark is a good time to get fresh air but i can’t open the windows because of the intruder. what a living hell. i can’t sleep because i live on a double highway and hear trucks, high powerd stereos. the central heater bangs, my space heater makes noise and the neighbors bang. last night was too cold to sleep because the central heat doesn’t make it to the bedroom. none of the professionals believe me about the burglaries and home and car vandalism despite a great deal of proof. these conditions are a major violation of my human rights.

afraid to get up in a.m./afraid to come “home” in p.m.

November 17, 2010

each day i find something else that scares me. i am busy round the clock with a long list of survival have tos. went by police station dropped of the fraudulent credit card, the urined t-shirt and the info on how they broke into my email account to sell cars. i did not talk about my hospital stay re: my burned arm via possible acid/bleach. i’m so weak i can barely move. go to cafe and sit in there and eat sandwish there are no other customers. went to grocery tonight i was only customer in store. last night was only customer in wal mart that i could see for first 40 minutes. i have had this very armageddom like existence for many years. in many american burbs if you are there walking and u don’t own car? you may not see a soul. came “home” tonight they had spilled my trash on floor as well as my recyclables. that ripped my published article right out of the mag , stole it. wouldn’t be so hard to get another mag but it really is systemic torture. i’ve tried 6 to 7 ways to reach the domest. vio. people no one has gotten back it’s been 6 days or so. ex therapist hasn’t gotten back it’s been weeks. casework hasn’t gotten back in weeks. i can’t stay here. do section 8 transfers even exist for people who are being victimized? how bout when management doesn’t believe you and much of police and many docs don’t believe you?

It just keeps getting worse and worse

November 12, 2010

For the first time in 5.5 years I do not have the rent this month.  I do not have the car payment or the car insurance.  I’m the victim of serious escalating domestic violence, I do not know the perpetrator.  I have not slept for months.  Death would be better then this life.  That older post about having a man rescue me?  hasn’t worked,  how are you s’posed to meet said quality men?   I am terrified.  I feel that my quality of life is lower then O.J. and he is in solitary confinement.  I feel I understand Stephen Hawking as I watch my body get weaker and more sick.  Today I found oneof my favorite shirts had been pissed on, and my credit card stolen with charges racked up.  (police station was closed for holiday)  This all consumes me-i cry around the clock I do not know what I’m going to do.  It is not good enough for me to just run from shelter to shelter that is not an acceptable life.  When I used to have a pay pal counter I didn’t make a penny.  And speaking of suicide “electronically” is not “electronically” acceptable.  I like me, of course i have alot tooffer, but this is a violation of my human rights!

update

November 6, 2010

the fatigue is so profound i’m bed/chair ridden. when i try to do anything at all i’m out of breath and need to take long breaks. i’m in excruc. pain that never leaves and feel like i’m being electrocuted. i’m invisible and have had no more then an hour human contact this month. the moment i leave the house to the time i get home i am road raged at for doing the speed limit.
today i had to wait for locksmit because vandal broke off my doorknob i got trapped inside. when he and manager got here i yelled out window oh your here, can i get key, no response. i said it agin. i need key right away i need to leave for appts. “if you need to leave then take out the screen” not realizing he was just being an ass, i tried to take out the screen with no success. he then said “how have you been” i thought you have got to be kidding. he was not talkingt ome. they pretended i was invisible and discussed what the problems were with the door but didn’t ask me or look at me. when i said to him let me show you: he snapped “get out of my way and let me do my job!”

I was FURIOUS. Normally, I am smoky the bear ver very good about fire safety issues. I put on a pot for coffee, but i was furious for being treated this way. I had asked about when I would get a key but didn’t get straight answer they walked fast away from bldg to a van, i yeeled for help, and got a vague answer about the key from manager. I looked around in car for wallet and couldn’t find even tho’ it was indeed in my purse on my person.

I ran back in house looking for wallet. Can’t find. BUT GUESS WHAT I DID FIND. THE POT OF WATER BOILING AWAY. HAD I NOT GONE BACK FOR THE WALLET, I WOULD HAVE BEEN HOMELESS TONIGHT STAYING IN THE COLD WEATHER SHELTER. I IMAGINED THAT, AND THE LAST OF MY JOURNALS DISINTEGRATED. I THOUGHT ABOUT BEING AN ORPHAN AND HAVING NOWHERE TO GO. I THOUGHT ABOUT HAVING NO $ FOR FIRE INSURANCE.
i went to mechanic to hae my fluids topped off, got food, went for a massage to a place that was running a special. The guy was creepy. creepy. I even have a feeling he violated his creed, and plan to look into it. He used so much oil on me I thought I was at the annual convention for ky jelly! Why do assertive women just freeze in situations like this when they should be hauling their asses out of their. He did not touch me inany inappropriate places but for example he massaged my upper back for 30 minutes when you need to give each area equal attention. He didn’t talk at all, if i said owwwww, he never said, oh ,i’m sorry. it was just sooooo weird. i will report it. on the way home, their was a road crew detour on rural roads. i freaked. i’m already severely sleep deprived. i went to a little country store asked people in lot for help to no avail, asked a store clerk for help she sent me on a very very dangerous isolated road where i got more lost. i had to call cops for help and i told him i was north on dover and he said where, where where where where. i said, can’t u write it down? i told u five times. he said, are u sure you’re in baltimore county. i said yes i am. meanwhile, i shut off engine, asked the car behind me where am i? i said i will pay you to let me follow you to take me home she said sure. so i hung up with cop, started my car, and she was no where in sight and i got lost again. so what did i do? The obvious of course. I bought irish cream liqueor, sat down at the computer and cozied up with you.

The security cameras

October 22, 2010

So, M. hired someone to do a security audit for me in April. The burglaries / violence have been going on since Jan. D. recommended said camera. After a few weeks it arrives, he says that’s wrong one I send back. Tells me order cam 2. That’s broken I send back. I just got that set up last week. It is still broken . Company wants me to send it back to china for repair. This would take at least 2 months with no camera again.

I do not have the means to move, nor the ability to keep living this way.

24/7 Torment

October 22, 2010

Despite the fact that I have a wicked disease that causes everyting from daily migraines and vomiting to seizures, (fibromyalgia) it is not the worst part of my life. The worst part of my life is that I have no more friends left in my state, I have no family and no safe place to live. I have been living with domestic violence for 5.5 years. In the form of burglars/vandals. He has torn the photos of me out of my photo albums, damaged my carpeting, my furniture, my clothes, and stolen most all of my clothes if not vandalize them. He has spewed some thick dark red liquid down my water heater. He pours white glue on my car, sliced away all the foam off my car visor, takes a knife and makes cuts into theglass. He steals food and possibly contaminates my food. He has violated my journals. He has flattened my tire, and stripped my gears. He has taken a knife to my car club and ripped away the protective rubber covering, he has stripped my 2 home locks, all car locks, my mailbox lock, my car club lock. I was forced to open a storage unit which I can’t afford. I’ve been awake for a week, cept the few minutes i sleep a night, I wake up crying from the nightmares. I have not wanted to live for many many years. I’ve been ready to be out of here for a long time. I like me alot and I have unmet dreams and so much talent. But I have nobody to talk to not enuf gas, little food money, and every man I meet wants sex on a first meet up which is not acceptable to me. I’ve studied up on suicide, assisted suicide and I’m far more educated on it then the average person. I’ve thought thru what and when I want to do what I want to do.

today

October 8, 2010

I’ve had about 1.5 hours human contact in 2 weeks.  If I pay my phone, internet, and car insurance, I’ll have no mney left for gas food or entertainment.  So, I tried to re-open my case with private non profit who will only re-open my case if I’m willing to also see their therapist and their psychiatrist!  So, if I don’t follow their rules, I won’t be able to cover my car insure this month.  But I can’t see their psych. because I just found my own psych. and Medicare isn’t going to pay for me to have 2 psychs.  Plus, this is the first and only psych. I’ve ever trusted!  This shit, this jumping thru hoops is not the way I want to live my life.

When I got out of car tonioght, someone shot a gun.  This is the third time this has happend on my property.

The latest

October 5, 2010

The conditions get more and more unliveable every day. Because each day is new trauma. Most of my clothes have been stolen. He, the burglar takes repulsive substances and puts them on everything, my clothes, my package of cotton balss (looked like bloody fingerprints) it’s been very traumatizing. I’ve had 1 hour human contact in the last 9 days. And the “humans” i do interact with are the stupid customer service people who screw up every transaction. And the people in the huge 4×4 trucks who are constantly raging at me. This is my life. And the people in doorways who insist on holding the door, or not. And the people at wal mart who get paid to say to me “have a nice day” My illnesses are severe, this week i’m having severe right knee osteoarthritis pain. No safe place to live and drs. appts are all I have in my empty life. I’m not willing to go indefinitely like this